I always seem to be giving my friends relationship advice. Like I've been in a relationship any longer than any of them. My husband and I have been together this year 7 years in December, four years and married this month. And before him I had one serious relationship that lasted 14 months and two little fling that lasted about a month each so I'm not the biggest expert on relationships because I haven't had a lot of them. But here is my relationship advice when your significant other screws up and you don't think you can ever forgive them. And nothing too crazy like cheat on you with a stripper or get another girl pregnant or fall in love with your best friend. And by no means in any abuse ever ok - physical, mental, emotional, sexual - none of it is ever ok get out ASAP if any of that is happening to you or if one of your friends! That being said here are my top 3 things in forgiving your partner and having a healthy, loving marriage.
#1: Understand that they are only human- they will make mistakes every single day of their life! Don't let the small things get in the way of the big picture. Arguments will happen, you will fight, you will get pissed off at each other - he will leave his underwear all over the floor and never clean up after himself and never make the bed. Or as my husband says it I always leave my hairs stuff all over the bathroom counter, I am always a stickler for wanting things neat and straight, I multitask too much and burn the food and never make the same dish twice, my temper flares up. Truth be told neither one of us is perfect and we try our best not to let that get in the way of our relationship which it does on a daily basis and that is totally okay. A relationship without fights or a relationship with nothing but fights is no relationship at all. Like everything in life - moderation is key.
#2: There is a photo on Facebook that states marriage in the best possible way. It says, "Marriage is not 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage is 100-100 every single moment of every single day." I might have paraphrased a bit but it's true. If one person is giving it their all, putting all their energy in their marriage while the other does not - their marriage is doomed. I know first hand: there was a time that I did all the household chores, cooking, errand running, laundry...heck I even set out my husband's outfits, complete with shoes and socks! It was after we moved and I found myself stuck at home all day and bored out of my mind. My husband loved me going above and beyond the normal housewife work and when he didn't help out, I became resentful. I stopped doing all the extra and my husband didn't understand why I was so upset with him. I shouldn't have been doing so much and expecting him to do the same for me.
#3: Intimacy is very, very important! Not just sex, but that is important as all, but touching, talking, inside-jokes, cuddling. There are so many articles trying to help us understand that touch each other a little through out the day leads to a healthy marriage. Kissing each other good-bye and hello, hugging randomly during the day - heck even the occasional smack on a butt cheek like my husband loves doing to me - makes us closer each day. (Although most of the time it totally irratites me, I need to remember that is his way of showing his affection for me.) So the next time you're driving together, out shopping, or watching a movie - move closer, brush your hand against theirs and chances are as soon as you touch them, they will touch you right back.
I wish you all the best in your relationships. Remember to love first and that they are only human. Forgive and always remember why you fall in with them in the first place 💞
